how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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