Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
