dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
