when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im part way to drunk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
