I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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