Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
