just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
