My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Church boner. Awkwardddd
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
