So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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