I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
