I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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