Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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