im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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