i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
