Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
