the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
