I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
