Jerry, you need to find god
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was like eating out sand paper
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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