You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
