The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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