I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
