i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
