hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
