i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
