kristin has been a bad kristin
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i think i just lost a toe
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
