the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
