Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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