so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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