Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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