its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They took my balls.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
