it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
being pregnant is like rehab
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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