ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This is my gift to your gina
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
