I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
