Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
