I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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