Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
