Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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