I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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