You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
