we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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