I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
