WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
