Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
