Fuck appropriateness.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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