Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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