his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
