So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
