i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
