Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
