I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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